Saturday, November 06, 2004


A Slight Mystery...Solved?

A minor puzzle arose on the evening of November 3rd. President Bush was mysteriously absent for an hour and a half or so from the family celebrations of his victory in Election '04. Aides pieced together certain clues: although suspended from flying for failing to show for a physical years ago, Mr. Bush was trained as an Air National Guard pilot; his motorcade was seen speeding off in the direction of Andrews Air Force Base late that night; and a very shaken night janitor later told Air Force investigators that the unidentified pilot had "gray hair, real beady, close-set eyes, and this great, big grin."

(Actual unretouched news item:)
NEW YORK (Reuters)--A National Guard F-16 fighter plane mistakenly fired off 25 rounds of ammunition at the Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School in South New Jersey on Wednesday night.

The pilot was meant to fire the rounds some 3 1/2 miles away at a military target range, Lt. Col. Roberta Niedt of the New Jersey Department of Military and Veterans Affairs told reporters in the Jersey shore township's police headquarters.

No one was injured as school was out and a lone custodian was inside the building when the bullets hit.

Damage was minimal as the non-exploding, 20 millimeter bullets left only puncture marks in the school's roof and the asphalt outside the building.

The fighter jet was part of the 113th Wing, District of Columbia Air National Guard assigned to Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland.

An investigation is being conducted into how the pilot mistook the school, located on Frog Pond Road, for a target range.

George W. Bush, you've just won won another four years in the White House! What are you going to do now?

"I'm gonna go strafe an elementary school!"

(Oh, okay, lighten up, I'm just jokin'.)

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