Friday, January 14, 2005


Here in Wisconsin

Here in Wisconsin, we're feeling rather cheated that the rest of the country is getting all the good weather. Until today, it's been unseasonably warm, but finally it's nice and crisp outside. Here's how we look at temperature here in good old 'Sconsin:

+90F: Dangerously hot. Check on elderly neighbors, bring the pets indoors. Hospitals inundated with heatstroke victims.

+80F: Very hot! Thank the dear Lord for air conditioning, eh?

+70F: Hot.

+60F: Balmy. Nice day--not too hot.

+50F: In early Autumn, cause for anticipation. In early Spring, considered hot.

+40F: Brisk. Fewer kids seen playing outdoors in T-shirts.

+30F: Bring in the garden hoses! Kids need sweatshits.

+20F: Deer hunting weather, eh? Be sure to get outdoors and enjoy the nice day.

+10F: Cold. Time to break out the winter coats!

0F: Put off washing the car. No more barbeque on the Weber. Leave furnace on all day.

-10F: Winter. Wear your mittens. Close windows in kids' rooms at night.

-20F: In summer you make fun of us, but this is why we're fat: it's darn good insulation. No sledding for small children, if it's windy.

-30F: Two words: heated dipstick! Pampered housepets sleep inside. Outdoorsmen know what separates the men from the boys: who has a good hat.

-40F: Cold makes the news. Wisconsites greet each other by saying, "Cold enough for you?"

-50F: Schools close. Holes for ice fishing hard to keep open without turning on the Coleman in the fishing shed.

-60F: SUVs won't start. Better put off Wal-Mart trip till tomorrow.

Sure, it's cold today, but when summer gets here and we're suffering in the ninety-degree heat, we'll miss this!

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